Daniel Roy. I realize this is a pretty common name… And it does make it much harder to Google myself than if I were named, say, ‘Jelatinous Marcelathon’. But Google myself I did… And I found out there are many, many Daniel Roys out there.

They’re all obviously my evil clones. Here they are.

MIT Daniel Roy

Website: http://web.mit.edu/droy/www

Why he’s evil: He’s a Ph.D. student in Computer Science at MIT, dealing with the “intersection of computer science and probability”. If that doesn’t sound like the evil plot for the bad guy of the next Die Hard, I don’t know what is.

Further proof of evilness: 15-year cello player; uses a Dvorak keyboard; uses the word ’skillz’ in his curriculum vitae

DanielRoy.com

Website: http://www.danielroy.com

Why he’s evil: He registered the domain name danielroy.com and puts a simple page with broken links on it. Obviously an AI trying to pass as a human being.

Further proof of evilness: Wrote Facebook applications; registered the domain name danielroy.com so I couldn’t get it; also has danielroy [at] gmail [dot] com.

Cajun Daniel Roy

Website: http://www.johnnycajun.com/daniel.htm

Why he’s evil: He plays mandolin in a Cajun band. I mean come on.

Further proof of evilness: Admits to having been created when somebody combined “extra firm tofu with Zycofax, and [added] half a cup of muddy water”. Oooook. Also, uses the words ‘overflowing cornucopia’ in his bio.

Emo Daniel Roy

Website: http://profile.myspace.com

Why he’s evil: He’s Emo. ’nuff said.

Further proof of evilness: Spells his name “DaNiEl RoY”; current occupation is “Shop Floor Assistant and Return Operator”.

Director Daniel Roy

Website: http://www.usw.ca/program/content/921.php

Why he’s evil: He’s the “District 5 Director”. That makes him, like, a villain in a SF dystopia.

Further proof of evilness: Was born in Sept-île, where I was also born.

Poet Daniel Roy

Website: http://roydaniel.com

Why he’s evil: He’s a poet; that makes him automatically mad. Has published 17(!!!) poetry anthologies in French, which makes him possibly the most well-known of my evil clones.

Further proof of evilness: His website is roydaniel.com, which sounds like Daniel Roy from the Mirror Universe; he is a certified highschool teacher.

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There are many more Daniel Roys out there, but the evilness of these ones is overpowering. I’ll get back to you when I find a way to return them to their evil, parallel dimension. Here’s a partial list of Daniel Roys I haven’t covered:

The Daniel Roy Corporation
Musician Daniel Roy
Semi-Pro Hockey Player Daniel Roy
Cowboy Daniel Roy
Fisherman Daniel Roy
Norwegian Daniel Roy
Muscle Daniel Roy
Australian Emo Daniel Roy
Daniel Roy III (I guess he’s a Pope or something)

So many Daniel Roys, so little time…